Thursday, February 16, 2006

Stalker Bob

Stalker Bob* has been admiring me from not-so-afar for close to three and a half years. He used to come by and bug me at work, following me around the warehouse talking for an hour or two, until I finally got tired of playing "Serve the Customer" and told him I really, really had to get back to work.

Somewhere along the way, he was driving down my street and I just happened to be outside doing yardwork. Of course he had to stop and say hello. Of course I didn't tell him how absolutely creeped out I was that he now knew where I lived. Of course. He is, after all, a reasonably harmless fellow. A lonely old professor for some city university who fancies himself attractive to a younger woman. He doesn't mean me any harm, he's just annoying. More nuisance than threat.

While I was overseas, I began getting emails from Stalker Bob. I guess he stopped by the house one time while I was away, and my sister (who was "taking care" of the place while I was gone) gave him the house phone number and my e-mail address. Let's ignore for a moment the fact that my sister is giving out my personal information to complete strangers... it's just WEIRD getting random e-mails from some one you never think about unless they're standing right in front of you.

Stalker Bob called at random the entire time I was gone, according to my sister (serves her right, having to deal with him, after giving out the information). One of these random calls occurred about a month ago. Since I didn't recognize the number, I picked up the phone. Great way to confirm to your stalker that you've returned to the homeland and are prepared to resume normal activities, such as recieving uninvited house calls.

I guess he got tired of me not answering his e-mails or the telephone, and decided to stop by this morning. We had a bit of an ice storm blow in last night, so everything was covered with a thin, shiney layer of the hard, slippery stuff. Bob announced his arrival by falling up the front steps, which of course set the dog to barking. After a brief chat, which ended in me saying, "You know, you really should call before you come over," Bob fell again going back down the stairs. Highlight of my day... you don't get two smiles from the same idiot in a 30-minute period very often.

Some people just can't see the signs, even when they're smacking them dead in the face... multiple times... and laughing about it.

5 comments:

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Anonymous said...

Well, after reading this I can say I consider myself a whole lot less of a stalker now. Thanks!

This is one of those things I could go 'on the one hand/on the other hand' over for hours, I'm sure. On the one hand, you know he's harmless. On the other, that doesn't make the situation any less irritating and even somewhat scary, because you never really know what someone is capable of.

On the one hand, you're nice to him (even if you don't always see yourself as a 'nice' person - you could have simply slammed the door in his face, for instance). On the other hand, even outright rude rejection might not have an impact on him at this point - I've felt the lure of 'stalker mode' myself, and I know that, in a weird way, rejection only makes you want to try harder to find a way to get through.

Long story short: yeah, it's a good thing that you're planning to move, and move far enough away that he almost certainly won't be able to follow. Let's hope your sister picks up a touch more consideration before handing out your next round of contact info.

--
Pauper

Mouth said...

P: Absolutely! I mean, I get the sense that he's harmless, and I really don't think he means to annoy me, but you never really know what some one is capable of. He hasn't been back since, but there are often lags between his visits.

Life is so hard when you're easy to obsess about. (HA!)

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