"But if I had boobs, I could sit at home and play with them all day! You guys have a clit AND a G-spot! And women get multiple orgasms!"
Let me help y'all out a little with this...
1. Boobs: Boobs ain't all they're cracked up to be. They get grabbed, groped, fondled, chewed on, pinched, poked, and generally abused for the amusement of the opposite sex. They cause stains across the front of our blouses from food and beverage, and they're the first part of a sweater to ruin from snagging. They're trophies and bragging rights for our boyfriends, and the topic of conversation among his friends entirely too often for our comfort. We have to wear rubber band harnesses that squeeze the rib cage all day long, in a desperate attempt to keep them from becoming prematurely un-perked. We're expected to let another human being draw their life substance through them, after which they'll be saggy and wrinkly and of absolutely no use or desire to any one, anywhere. And, if we're really, really lucky, every 28 days we get to feel like some one used our chest as a punching bag.
2. The Vagina: Forget the vagina monologues. Vaginas are hell, wrapped in pretty pink skin, given a mucous problem, and planted between our legs. They're messy, complicated little things with mile-high attitudes; they don't do what they're told, when they're told to do it. Over half the population doesn't know how to operate them, and a lot of the ones who do are too impatient or self-revolving to take the time to do what needs to be done to make them functional. On top of that, for a handful of days every month, our uterus goes into seizure and spews blood all over everything we own. The one and only way to prevent this is to stuff the vagina with wads of cotton and walk around with a maxi-pad the size of a telephone book glued to the inside of our underwear; it's similar to wearing an adult diaper, but without the protective elastic legbands. During this time, we feel like the mass of our lower organs are trying to claw their way to the outside world, straight through our abdominal cavity. One of the best cures for this gnawing, consuming pain is stimulation (that means sex), but guess what? YOU, who think you want one of these natural miracles so you can sit around and diddle it all day long, have this concept that periods are gross, and won't bring your brick within 20 yards of us while we're under current.