Pipe Dream

"I had something I wanted to tell you all day, and now I can't remember it." I sighed heavily, laying down my knife and dumping onions into a stew pot. I was half-way through putting together a batch of chili for a work-sponsored cook-off, and the day was wearing on my stamina.

"You can't remember at all?"

"No... I really can't.... Oh wait, yes! I remember!" I slapped the cutting board down on the countertop, triumphant.

"Well?"

"Oh shit!"

"What?"

"The sprinkler head just popped. I gotta go!"

I don't know if I hit the off switch on the phone, or if I just dropped it and ran. All I remember is hearing a boiler letting off steam, checking the pots, then realizing there was water pouring through the doorway of the pantry. It wouldn't be at all surprising for the sprinkler in my apartment to go off. I'm notorious among family members for burning water (literally).

It only took a moment to realize it wasn't the sprinkler, but the connecter hose to the washing machine that had torn. Using the lid of my chili pot to deflect the scalding water that was spraying from the hose like a geyser, I cranked the spigot handle down as hard as I was able, then stepped back to assess the damage.

I stood in about an inch and a half of water. All my stores of paper towels, most of my small appliances, and the kitty litter box were all soaked. I sighed, getting down on my hands and knees in the pool to fish wads of cat hair from the floor drain so the water would run off. That done, I rescued what I could of the paper towel rolls, and started pushing the flood towards the drain.

Half an hour later, the water is mostly cleaned up. The airline kennel that houses one of the cats has been upended to air dry, and what remains of the kitty litter has been salvaged as well as can be expected. It's too late to go to the store to retrieve new litter - the babies will just have to wait til tomorrow.

In between battles with the tidal wave in my laundry room, I've managed to finish my chili and bake a double-decker pineapple upside down cake for my boss's birthday tomorrow.

Some time tomorrow, I have to call and negotiate a carpet installation, get the service folks for the apartment complex to come out and fix the washer hose, get the parking company to reimburse me $80 they docked from my pay without permission, and sing the Happy Birthday song to a gal nearly old enough to be my mother. I've spent two weeks on my hands and knees, tiling my kitchen and bathroom, mending a fence, repairing a wall, painting, spackling, sawing, drilling, nailing, and plain old tearing out pieces of my house out in the 'burbs. My body's exhausted, my mind is exhausted... I could really use a break.

Anybody feel like taking over for awhile?